i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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