Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
