I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Found the puke drawer
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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