Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Barsexuality is the new black.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
