so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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