you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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