Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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