Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
