Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
