i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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