You're my little dorito
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
