I smell stomach acid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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