How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
