I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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