Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
