No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
