are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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