every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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