nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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