this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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