My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
