Just fell off a train. Bad.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
