"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
