That's intense
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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