I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
