just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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