I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
