you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
