worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
