In America we eat man semen.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
