he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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