Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
