I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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