My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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