Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
