I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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