If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He better not be in your backpack
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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