you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
