she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
