matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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