we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
