How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
