Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
