oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
