Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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