Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture