i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me