I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again