i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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