can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
