To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
