Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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