she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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