you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
