I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
