Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
