he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
