Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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