I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
