im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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