I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
