He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
