We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
