We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
