two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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