Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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