I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
