I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
