Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
