She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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