I'm really into asian looking animals
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
