Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
