Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
