I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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