There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
