ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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