ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
