She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
