her facebook's as public as her vagina
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
