Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
