Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
