Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize