omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
