if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
