are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
