Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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