happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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