So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
