What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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