I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
